Last week was one of the best weeks I've ever had! I got to see family, some of whom I haven't seen in years, and spend time with people I love as well as celebrate two beautiful weddings. It was so much fun and so needed for my mental health. This journey can be a beast at times. It's not easy. Every day I have to wake up and fight through the overwhelming urge to give up. Some days I stumble. Some days I stumble big time. But the thing I'm so proud of myself for is that I continue to get back up and keep pushing forward. I've never been able to do that before and that determination is beginning to show.
I do hear a lot from people around Kansas City that I look different. You can tell in my stomach and in my face. You can tell in my demeanor. People can see the changes taking place. But they also see me regularly and it's sometimes too subtle to notice. So I was incredibly nervous when I was on my way to Texas because I knew that these friends and family would be the determining factor as to whether or not my current 40 lb loss is showing. I had wanted to be down another 10 lbs by that point and I'd not quite made it so I just took a deep breath and went into it not expecting much of a response.
Well... let me just say... WOW! I was hoping for just an 'Oh yeah, you can tell a little' and that would be it. I had no idea that people would see THAT much of a change. It blew my mind! The first thing out of my friend Caitlin's mouth was "Look how small you are!" which caught me off guard right away. Then I pulled a 'check myself out in this window to see if I'm looking fly' moment. I still wasn't sure that she took a good enough look at me. I am truly that insecure that I doubted her. Sorry girl, I love you and believe you now! Then came the real moment of truth. Seeing tons of friends from college. Most of them I saw in February which was just a 10 lb loss at the time but a few of them I hadn't seen since October or before, back when I was at my heaviest! I knew that if these people couldn't tell then I'd have to wait a few more months before it was fully showing. So again I braced myself for a small response.
Now before I tell you what happened, let me preface by saying that I had struggled to find clothes to wear for this trip to Texas. I'm between sizes in dresses and shirts so I had to buy new clothes but even those were just fitting strangely. I thought maybe I'd jumped the gun in getting them and they would still be too small. So when Caitlin, our buddy Jefferson, and I were getting ready to go out for dinner and then meet up with friends, I was stressing about what to wear. They both took a look at my clothes and agreed that I should try one of my new dresses. It's one that ties at the waist so it shows off all the curves and it stops just above the knee. If you know me, you know how big of a deal it is for me to show my legs. I just do not do that. Ever. So when I put it on I was terrified. But you know what? It actually looked pretty good! It fit just right, cinched at all the right places, and my legs didn't even look that bad! For the first time in years I felt good in my clothing. It was a miracle from God!
So we went to dinner and then out to the riverwalk in San Antonio. Right off the bat, a couple of guys called Caitlin and I beautiful. It took me a second to realize they were talking to me because that's never happened before! I had to look over my shoulder and see if there was anyone behind me but I just found a fern and a wall. Even then I was still tempted to say "Yeah, that is a beautiful plant" but the guy looked at me like 'I'm obviously talking to you'. Then all I could do was giggle. Thank you kind stranger! After that we saw a big group of our friends from across the river and as soon as we got to the other side, my friend Kelley immediately said "Can I just tell you how different you look? We were talking about it as you were walking over here. You look like a completely different person!". Well... I almost started crying right there. The weight I'm at right now is the weight I was when I first met her. So for her to have seen the changes my body has gone through and now back to our beginning was incredible. It meant so much to me. Following that up was my friend Brittany who said "You look so skinny!". Wait.... what? Skinny?! WHAT?! That word and Kelly Jo have never been used in the same sentence. I was so overjoyed by that response, especially from Brittany because she's the kind of girl who wouldn't say it unless she meant it. Then my friend Dom, who's my resident fitness guru, hugged me and said I looked amazing. Shut your mouth! That may have been my biggest shock of the weekend. It was such a blessing to hear!
After that, friend after friend said the sweetest things and gave me the shocked expressions I've been working for over 3 months to get. It was emotional and joyous and perfect. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends who were all so amazing to pay me those sweet compliments. It just gave me that reassurance I needed to know that yes, this is working. Yes, it's slow but it's showing. I can keep pushing and go even farther so that the next time I see these friends I'll have another incredible experience like this to give me that boost that I need when I'm struggling. I'm not the kind of girl who needs to be told all of the time that she looks nice so that's not what I'm talking about. I just mean that in this process, to get that affirmation from the ones I love is the best feeling. I'm doing well. I'm doing this thing right! Their love and encouragement even gave me the bravery to wear a pair of shorts when I went for physical therapy this week. That's the first time in over 10 years that I've worn shorts outside of my house! What a huge step!
I just cannot say enough what a blessing it was to have the past week in Texas and get to experience so many wonderful things and even meet wonderful new people. God is so good! He knew exactly what I needed. It showed me that I'm on such a great path, spiraling full speed ahead towards a new chapter of my life. Thank you all for bringing that sunshine onto my journey :-) I needed it! The next time I see you, expect another 40 lbs off!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
If This Were the Oregon Trail...
When I was a kid I absolutely LOVED the computer game Oregon Trail. Well, that's not completely true. I didn't just play it as a kid, I still play it and still love it. Whatever. I'm five. It's fine. But in playing that game I learned a lot about the frustrations of trying to get from Point A to Point B with everything in one piece. There were so many different problems that could pop up and I was inevitably always the person who got 30 miles out of the starting location and had someone get bitten by a snake, or come down with dysentery, or break a leg and then they'd end up dying because of it. Who dies of a broken leg in real life, Oregon Trail?! Who?! Stupid game... anyway... I quickly learned to stop naming my wagon characters after my family or friends. There's nothing quite as traumatizing to a child as a computer game forcing you to write the epitaph on your sister's tombstone (sorry Trace, you always went first for some reason). After seeing that this was always the case for me, I tried several different strategies to keep all members of my covered-wagon posse alive.
There was option 1) Forge ahead. If they're not strong enough to overcome that silly, fatal rattlesnake bite then I certainly don't need them in my wagon when I'm trying to ford rivers later on down the trail. Homegirl gonna drown and I don't need her taking up space in my wagon. Now, this strategy usually got me to Oregon in great time but I was often the only one left in the posse. Not the best choice.
Option 2) Rest for a few days and give the people a chance to recover. They have a little time to suck it up and get over this ridiculous cold called typhoid fever because I'm nice but again, if they can't hack it... oh well. We gotta get back on that trail without them. This strategy generally saved me a life or two for the end but I still lost most of my party and took a hit to my overall time. Not the best choice.
Option 3) Rest until I see the notification that the person is healthy again. This usually took several days of resting, even a month in some cases, but the people often made a full recovery. I'd make it to Oregon with almost all, if not all, of the posse even though it was an incredibly slow way of getting there. It may have been frustrating to keep slowing down but I always felt good in the end that I managed to save lives. That was generally the best choice.
So now I bet you're thinking 'What's the point KJ? I thought your blog was about your weight loss journey. I want numbers, not analogies'. I assure you friends, I'm going somewhere with this. Stick with me!
Last week, I came down with a nasty cold. No, probably not typhoid fever, but it was still a rough one. I went from being completely healthy, exercising every day and getting great results, to feeling like I could barely get out of bed or eat anything except soup. Even when I had soup, it was hard to work up the appetite to finish it so my progress in the health quest obviously was derailed for a little while. Then, in true Kelly Jo fashion, I forced myself to work every day and even continued with plans for my insane trip to Texas for a few weddings. Instead of guaranteeing that I was at full strength, I forged ahead, intent on keeping with plans and making the best time. So my cold held on longer than it would have if I had just rested and even now, a week later, I'm still not back to complete health because I've been overdoing it.
I was so focused on getting to a certain point that I forgot about taking care of myself. I didn't want to stop working out, I didn't want to change my eating habits for a few days, and I didn't want to lose momentum. So I pushed forward and guess what? My body rebelled. I haven't felt well enough to exercise in a few days and my eating has been whatever is available. And okay fine, I'll admit that we've had to eat out for most of our meals here in Texas and it was much easier to just eat off the regular menu than try and find healthy options. I got lazy! I pushed myself too hard and in doing so, I've now had to pay the price of waiting extra days to get back at it.
Just like in the game, I should've listened to the warnings that my body gave me. I should've stopped right then and rested until it was time to start up again. I think that when we get on this path of lifestyle change, we get so caught up in where we're going that we forget to take care of ourselves. If I had listened to my body and taken the time to recover, I would've only been down for a day or two as opposed to the week it has now become. Sure, it would've frustrated me to slow down but at least I could have avoided this stopping completely that I've had to do. That's even more frustrating!
So my point, fellow travelers, is that this is a long journey. In the game you go from Missouri to Oregon and I am literally going from Kansas to California. If I want to continue on in my progression and be where I want to be when I leave for the Biggest Loser in Malibu, I have to remember that every day is a struggle and a part of the quest. It's okay if I have to slow down, it's even okay if I have to stop, as long as I get right back up. I'll be a lot healthier and a lot happier if I don't pressure myself to make good time or hit bigger numbers. So I'm working on it and every day I'm learning as I continue moving forward! There is no keeping me down for good, I'm almost four months in and still going. That's longer than I've EVER stuck with a lifestyle change. I'm so proud of that!
As an added bonus for reading all the way through this blog, I'll share another of the photos I've been taking of my progress. This one is of my favorite pair of jeans which I got when I was at my heaviest. A few months ago they were completely filled out and fitting snugly. Now, 40 pounds down, see the difference? I'm having to invest in belts rather than a larger pair of jeans! How awesome is that?
There was option 1) Forge ahead. If they're not strong enough to overcome that silly, fatal rattlesnake bite then I certainly don't need them in my wagon when I'm trying to ford rivers later on down the trail. Homegirl gonna drown and I don't need her taking up space in my wagon. Now, this strategy usually got me to Oregon in great time but I was often the only one left in the posse. Not the best choice.
Option 2) Rest for a few days and give the people a chance to recover. They have a little time to suck it up and get over this ridiculous cold called typhoid fever because I'm nice but again, if they can't hack it... oh well. We gotta get back on that trail without them. This strategy generally saved me a life or two for the end but I still lost most of my party and took a hit to my overall time. Not the best choice.
Option 3) Rest until I see the notification that the person is healthy again. This usually took several days of resting, even a month in some cases, but the people often made a full recovery. I'd make it to Oregon with almost all, if not all, of the posse even though it was an incredibly slow way of getting there. It may have been frustrating to keep slowing down but I always felt good in the end that I managed to save lives. That was generally the best choice.
So now I bet you're thinking 'What's the point KJ? I thought your blog was about your weight loss journey. I want numbers, not analogies'. I assure you friends, I'm going somewhere with this. Stick with me!
Last week, I came down with a nasty cold. No, probably not typhoid fever, but it was still a rough one. I went from being completely healthy, exercising every day and getting great results, to feeling like I could barely get out of bed or eat anything except soup. Even when I had soup, it was hard to work up the appetite to finish it so my progress in the health quest obviously was derailed for a little while. Then, in true Kelly Jo fashion, I forced myself to work every day and even continued with plans for my insane trip to Texas for a few weddings. Instead of guaranteeing that I was at full strength, I forged ahead, intent on keeping with plans and making the best time. So my cold held on longer than it would have if I had just rested and even now, a week later, I'm still not back to complete health because I've been overdoing it.
I was so focused on getting to a certain point that I forgot about taking care of myself. I didn't want to stop working out, I didn't want to change my eating habits for a few days, and I didn't want to lose momentum. So I pushed forward and guess what? My body rebelled. I haven't felt well enough to exercise in a few days and my eating has been whatever is available. And okay fine, I'll admit that we've had to eat out for most of our meals here in Texas and it was much easier to just eat off the regular menu than try and find healthy options. I got lazy! I pushed myself too hard and in doing so, I've now had to pay the price of waiting extra days to get back at it.
Just like in the game, I should've listened to the warnings that my body gave me. I should've stopped right then and rested until it was time to start up again. I think that when we get on this path of lifestyle change, we get so caught up in where we're going that we forget to take care of ourselves. If I had listened to my body and taken the time to recover, I would've only been down for a day or two as opposed to the week it has now become. Sure, it would've frustrated me to slow down but at least I could have avoided this stopping completely that I've had to do. That's even more frustrating!
So my point, fellow travelers, is that this is a long journey. In the game you go from Missouri to Oregon and I am literally going from Kansas to California. If I want to continue on in my progression and be where I want to be when I leave for the Biggest Loser in Malibu, I have to remember that every day is a struggle and a part of the quest. It's okay if I have to slow down, it's even okay if I have to stop, as long as I get right back up. I'll be a lot healthier and a lot happier if I don't pressure myself to make good time or hit bigger numbers. So I'm working on it and every day I'm learning as I continue moving forward! There is no keeping me down for good, I'm almost four months in and still going. That's longer than I've EVER stuck with a lifestyle change. I'm so proud of that!
As an added bonus for reading all the way through this blog, I'll share another of the photos I've been taking of my progress. This one is of my favorite pair of jeans which I got when I was at my heaviest. A few months ago they were completely filled out and fitting snugly. Now, 40 pounds down, see the difference? I'm having to invest in belts rather than a larger pair of jeans! How awesome is that?
That's a good 5 inches off my waist and stomach!
If this were the Oregon Trail, this would be the first major landmark. I'm not stopping til I reach that destination. Can't wait to see where it's at next month!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
On a Downhill Slope
This past week I have pushed myself to a new level in my progress! On Monday I began Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, on Tuesday I did day 2, on Wednesday I did Jillian's No More Trouble Zones workout, on Thursday I had kickboxing, Friday was my rest day, and yesterday I did day 3 of the shred. I'm getting into a really wonderful place of exercise. It used to be that 10 minutes of cardio was all I could stand. Now I'm doing up to 50 on a daily basis! This is a huge milestone for me and it's definitely paying off because I'm seeing great results.
The best thing that's happened since I began this quest in February was this morning. My scale showed something that shocked and thrilled me! I stepped on and waited as it calculated the weight and then it flashed a number that I haven't seen in six years. It was the weight I was as I graduated high school in 2006! All of the damage I've done to my body during college and after has melted away, leaving the number I've been trying to get back to for so long.
I'm not sure how many people know this but the summer before I began college, I went to a personal trainer 3 times a week. I cried my first day with her because we were talking about why I wanted to lose weight before getting to ACU. I told her things like "I don't want the people I meet to judge me", "I want a fresh start in college", and "I want to be happier when I'm there". I remember feeling terrified that I'd get to Texas and have the same experiences I did in high school of having to fight to overcome all kinds of obstacles to chase my dreams.
It makes me sad to think about that 18-year-old me, so upset about the way things had gone up until that point. I wish I could say that I achieved my goal and went to college a healthier, happier person but we all know the ending of that story. I gained over 40 pounds within the next few years and began wishing just to be back where I was during that summer. That's amazing isn't it? I look back at pictures of myself in high school and think 'Wow, I wish I looked as good as I did then'. We never see our true beauty when we're there. We have to be far away from where we began to see how good it was.
This time around... I appreciate it. Now that I'm here, I am savoring every second of this! This time I have my head in the right place. It's not about liking the way I look anymore, it's about loving the way I feel. Every day I get stronger. Every day I feel more confident. Every day I am more certain of what I can achieve.
Though I look like who I was, I've never been this person before. That's the best part.
The best thing that's happened since I began this quest in February was this morning. My scale showed something that shocked and thrilled me! I stepped on and waited as it calculated the weight and then it flashed a number that I haven't seen in six years. It was the weight I was as I graduated high school in 2006! All of the damage I've done to my body during college and after has melted away, leaving the number I've been trying to get back to for so long.
I'm not sure how many people know this but the summer before I began college, I went to a personal trainer 3 times a week. I cried my first day with her because we were talking about why I wanted to lose weight before getting to ACU. I told her things like "I don't want the people I meet to judge me", "I want a fresh start in college", and "I want to be happier when I'm there". I remember feeling terrified that I'd get to Texas and have the same experiences I did in high school of having to fight to overcome all kinds of obstacles to chase my dreams.
It makes me sad to think about that 18-year-old me, so upset about the way things had gone up until that point. I wish I could say that I achieved my goal and went to college a healthier, happier person but we all know the ending of that story. I gained over 40 pounds within the next few years and began wishing just to be back where I was during that summer. That's amazing isn't it? I look back at pictures of myself in high school and think 'Wow, I wish I looked as good as I did then'. We never see our true beauty when we're there. We have to be far away from where we began to see how good it was.
This time around... I appreciate it. Now that I'm here, I am savoring every second of this! This time I have my head in the right place. It's not about liking the way I look anymore, it's about loving the way I feel. Every day I get stronger. Every day I feel more confident. Every day I am more certain of what I can achieve.
Though I look like who I was, I've never been this person before. That's the best part.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Mile Marker 3
There's so much to talk about this month! I've been slacking on the blogs because I've been frustrated. I haven't stopped or "fallen off the wagon" but I have slowed down and allowed excuses to get in my way. March had been the month of the plateau... stuck at 280 for the majority of the time, which was super irritating but April was the month of the yo-yo, which was even worse. I bounced up and down from 272 to 274 to 273 to 276. It was horrible and it caused me to be pretty cranky about what I was doing.
Sometimes you can be doing everything exactly right and your body just does not want to do what you ask it to. It has a mind of its own! So I did what I do best when I'm frustrated. I eat! This past weekend I went off the meal plan three separate times. Now, the positive in going off course is that every morning, I got right back on track. I didn't allow myself to have multiple unhealthy meals, I kept it at one bad choice a day. That's still a huge success! In the past, this is the point I'd have gone off the rails and stayed off the rails. But I am here... fighting for this. Because I want it more than anything.
So Monday, April 30, two days before my monthly weigh-in, I got my rear in gear and started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. Let me just say.... ouch. She knows exactly how to attack the trouble zones of your body and beat them into submission. There were so many points in that 25 minute workout that I wanted to quit and say "Screw you, woman! I'm goin back to my easy, 10 minute hip hop dvds". But that defeats the purpose. I've been so laxadaisical (great word, right?) about my exercising. I go in spurts of having a few really good days and then going back to taking it easy. This had to stop! Now, on my 3rd day of the shred, I have a very good feeling about it. I'm in some serious pain, ha ha, with lots of soreness but I have no intention of stopping. And I can already feel the results!
My friend Bridget also signed up to take kickboxing classes with me. We had our first last week and let me tell you what... it was AMAZING! Talk about a hardcore workout. That hour spent punching and kicking a bag was completely worth it. I felt incredible afterwards! As soon as I got home, I even wanted to go for a jog just because kickboxing had made me feel lighter and a million times stronger. Now I know what the phrase "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" actually means. It's a fantastic workout that I cannot recommend enough! We have our second class tomorrow and I'm so ready to get back at it.
Though I don't know the exact reason for the yo-yo weight, I have a feeling it's because I'm really building muscle. It was bound to happen at some point and it's been three months now of consistent healthy living and exercising. So maybe my random gains and losses were due to the additional poundage of muscle that I'm developing. I sure hope so! Hopefully in May, now that I'm working out harder and more consistently, I'll be able to see a dramatic change.
Alright... now is the moment to share the progress. On April 2nd, I was 277 lbs. As of today, May 2nd, I am officially 270 lbs. That makes a total loss of 34 lbs from my heaviest! Now, my goal was to be 268 with a loss of 9 lbs but you know what? 7 lbs ain't bad!!! I was really hoping to get into the 260s because that's the weight I was right before college but I have to be proud of myself for still losing 7 lbs. And I'm right there! So close! In a few days, I will be in the 260s and in a few weeks, I'll be almost at the 250 mark. There is no shame in missing this goal by a few pounds. I'm still feeling and doing incredibly!!!
So for next month I'm shooting for a 10 lb loss. That's right, my friends. I have 31 days to accomplish this and I'm fully confident that with my new commitment to more exercise, I can definitely do it.
May 2nd: 270 lbs
June 2nd: 260 lbs
BONUS TIME! I'm very scared about sharing this but.... again... this journey is all about being brave. I'm going to share the photos that I've been taking so you can see a little bit of what a 7 lbs loss looks like. I took these photos every Wednesday. The first was taken on April 4th, the last on April 25th.
No judgments please! Remember I'm still a long way from my goal but look how far I've come!
Can you see a difference? I struggle to see it but some of my friends say you can. I hope so! Goodbye to those pounds. I'm movin on down!
Sometimes you can be doing everything exactly right and your body just does not want to do what you ask it to. It has a mind of its own! So I did what I do best when I'm frustrated. I eat! This past weekend I went off the meal plan three separate times. Now, the positive in going off course is that every morning, I got right back on track. I didn't allow myself to have multiple unhealthy meals, I kept it at one bad choice a day. That's still a huge success! In the past, this is the point I'd have gone off the rails and stayed off the rails. But I am here... fighting for this. Because I want it more than anything.
So Monday, April 30, two days before my monthly weigh-in, I got my rear in gear and started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. Let me just say.... ouch. She knows exactly how to attack the trouble zones of your body and beat them into submission. There were so many points in that 25 minute workout that I wanted to quit and say "Screw you, woman! I'm goin back to my easy, 10 minute hip hop dvds". But that defeats the purpose. I've been so laxadaisical (great word, right?) about my exercising. I go in spurts of having a few really good days and then going back to taking it easy. This had to stop! Now, on my 3rd day of the shred, I have a very good feeling about it. I'm in some serious pain, ha ha, with lots of soreness but I have no intention of stopping. And I can already feel the results!
My friend Bridget also signed up to take kickboxing classes with me. We had our first last week and let me tell you what... it was AMAZING! Talk about a hardcore workout. That hour spent punching and kicking a bag was completely worth it. I felt incredible afterwards! As soon as I got home, I even wanted to go for a jog just because kickboxing had made me feel lighter and a million times stronger. Now I know what the phrase "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" actually means. It's a fantastic workout that I cannot recommend enough! We have our second class tomorrow and I'm so ready to get back at it.
Though I don't know the exact reason for the yo-yo weight, I have a feeling it's because I'm really building muscle. It was bound to happen at some point and it's been three months now of consistent healthy living and exercising. So maybe my random gains and losses were due to the additional poundage of muscle that I'm developing. I sure hope so! Hopefully in May, now that I'm working out harder and more consistently, I'll be able to see a dramatic change.
Alright... now is the moment to share the progress. On April 2nd, I was 277 lbs. As of today, May 2nd, I am officially 270 lbs. That makes a total loss of 34 lbs from my heaviest! Now, my goal was to be 268 with a loss of 9 lbs but you know what? 7 lbs ain't bad!!! I was really hoping to get into the 260s because that's the weight I was right before college but I have to be proud of myself for still losing 7 lbs. And I'm right there! So close! In a few days, I will be in the 260s and in a few weeks, I'll be almost at the 250 mark. There is no shame in missing this goal by a few pounds. I'm still feeling and doing incredibly!!!
So for next month I'm shooting for a 10 lb loss. That's right, my friends. I have 31 days to accomplish this and I'm fully confident that with my new commitment to more exercise, I can definitely do it.
May 2nd: 270 lbs
June 2nd: 260 lbs
BONUS TIME! I'm very scared about sharing this but.... again... this journey is all about being brave. I'm going to share the photos that I've been taking so you can see a little bit of what a 7 lbs loss looks like. I took these photos every Wednesday. The first was taken on April 4th, the last on April 25th.
No judgments please! Remember I'm still a long way from my goal but look how far I've come!
Can you see a difference? I struggle to see it but some of my friends say you can. I hope so! Goodbye to those pounds. I'm movin on down!
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