Last week was one of the best weeks I've ever had! I got to see family, some of whom I haven't seen in years, and spend time with people I love as well as celebrate two beautiful weddings. It was so much fun and so needed for my mental health. This journey can be a beast at times. It's not easy. Every day I have to wake up and fight through the overwhelming urge to give up. Some days I stumble. Some days I stumble big time. But the thing I'm so proud of myself for is that I continue to get back up and keep pushing forward. I've never been able to do that before and that determination is beginning to show.
I do hear a lot from people around Kansas City that I look different. You can tell in my stomach and in my face. You can tell in my demeanor. People can see the changes taking place. But they also see me regularly and it's sometimes too subtle to notice. So I was incredibly nervous when I was on my way to Texas because I knew that these friends and family would be the determining factor as to whether or not my current 40 lb loss is showing. I had wanted to be down another 10 lbs by that point and I'd not quite made it so I just took a deep breath and went into it not expecting much of a response.
Well... let me just say... WOW! I was hoping for just an 'Oh yeah, you can tell a little' and that would be it. I had no idea that people would see THAT much of a change. It blew my mind! The first thing out of my friend Caitlin's mouth was "Look how small you are!" which caught me off guard right away. Then I pulled a 'check myself out in this window to see if I'm looking fly' moment. I still wasn't sure that she took a good enough look at me. I am truly that insecure that I doubted her. Sorry girl, I love you and believe you now! Then came the real moment of truth. Seeing tons of friends from college. Most of them I saw in February which was just a 10 lb loss at the time but a few of them I hadn't seen since October or before, back when I was at my heaviest! I knew that if these people couldn't tell then I'd have to wait a few more months before it was fully showing. So again I braced myself for a small response.
Now before I tell you what happened, let me preface by saying that I had struggled to find clothes to wear for this trip to Texas. I'm between sizes in dresses and shirts so I had to buy new clothes but even those were just fitting strangely. I thought maybe I'd jumped the gun in getting them and they would still be too small. So when Caitlin, our buddy Jefferson, and I were getting ready to go out for dinner and then meet up with friends, I was stressing about what to wear. They both took a look at my clothes and agreed that I should try one of my new dresses. It's one that ties at the waist so it shows off all the curves and it stops just above the knee. If you know me, you know how big of a deal it is for me to show my legs. I just do not do that. Ever. So when I put it on I was terrified. But you know what? It actually looked pretty good! It fit just right, cinched at all the right places, and my legs didn't even look that bad! For the first time in years I felt good in my clothing. It was a miracle from God!
So we went to dinner and then out to the riverwalk in San Antonio. Right off the bat, a couple of guys called Caitlin and I beautiful. It took me a second to realize they were talking to me because that's never happened before! I had to look over my shoulder and see if there was anyone behind me but I just found a fern and a wall. Even then I was still tempted to say "Yeah, that is a beautiful plant" but the guy looked at me like 'I'm obviously talking to you'. Then all I could do was giggle. Thank you kind stranger! After that we saw a big group of our friends from across the river and as soon as we got to the other side, my friend Kelley immediately said "Can I just tell you how different you look? We were talking about it as you were walking over here. You look like a completely different person!". Well... I almost started crying right there. The weight I'm at right now is the weight I was when I first met her. So for her to have seen the changes my body has gone through and now back to our beginning was incredible. It meant so much to me. Following that up was my friend Brittany who said "You look so skinny!". Wait.... what? Skinny?! WHAT?! That word and Kelly Jo have never been used in the same sentence. I was so overjoyed by that response, especially from Brittany because she's the kind of girl who wouldn't say it unless she meant it. Then my friend Dom, who's my resident fitness guru, hugged me and said I looked amazing. Shut your mouth! That may have been my biggest shock of the weekend. It was such a blessing to hear!
After that, friend after friend said the sweetest things and gave me the shocked expressions I've been working for over 3 months to get. It was emotional and joyous and perfect. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends who were all so amazing to pay me those sweet compliments. It just gave me that reassurance I needed to know that yes, this is working. Yes, it's slow but it's showing. I can keep pushing and go even farther so that the next time I see these friends I'll have another incredible experience like this to give me that boost that I need when I'm struggling. I'm not the kind of girl who needs to be told all of the time that she looks nice so that's not what I'm talking about. I just mean that in this process, to get that affirmation from the ones I love is the best feeling. I'm doing well. I'm doing this thing right! Their love and encouragement even gave me the bravery to wear a pair of shorts when I went for physical therapy this week. That's the first time in over 10 years that I've worn shorts outside of my house! What a huge step!
I just cannot say enough what a blessing it was to have the past week in Texas and get to experience so many wonderful things and even meet wonderful new people. God is so good! He knew exactly what I needed. It showed me that I'm on such a great path, spiraling full speed ahead towards a new chapter of my life. Thank you all for bringing that sunshine onto my journey :-) I needed it! The next time I see you, expect another 40 lbs off!
No comments:
Post a Comment