It's been a frustrating two weeks as I've been completely stuck at one weight. I started exercising even more than I was before to get in a full hour every day so naturally, I expected the pounds to just come rolling off with no issue. Unfortunately, the pounds seem to enjoy their cushy places on my body. They have not been moving for anything no matter how hard I push myself in workouts.
So I set out to find the root of the problem as a standstill for more than a few days is not an option! I talked to several people who spend tons of time reading fitness magazines and books, googled information, and finally took advice from my mother. She'll be thrilled :-) All of this research led me to two answers.
1) I'm not eating enough calories. When you intensify your workouts but don't get enough calories in, your body thinks that you're starving and starts to store the fat to balance out what you're not getting. Eating 1,000-1,200 calories was fine at first but now my body has gotten used to those variations and thinks it's not enough. Based on the information from friends, the internet, and even a nutritionist, I learned that for my height and weight I should be eating 1,600 calories. If I want to vary my intake to maintain the meal plan I've been focusing on then I can maybe go down to 1,400 every few days but I need to stick at that main number until I drop to a lower weight.
2) Frozen meals. I complain constantly about how I have to eat frozen foods because I "never have time to cook", which is true... in a way. My time is spread kind of thin but mostly I'm just lazy. I could make time to cook if I wanted to. Or even if I'm short on time, it takes at least three minutes to heat up a lean pocket. Couldn't I make a sandwich in the same, if not less, amount of time? The answer, my friends, is yes. So I've made a new grocery list of food that I can plan out for the week to be able to cut back on the frozen stuff. Isn't the whole point of this to stop being lazy in all aspects of my life? I just have to take the first steps... again.
So hopefully making those changes will help me move past this nasty plateau. I'm not a fan of no motion whatsoever! But hey... at least I haven't gained. Gotta look at the bright side too!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Eyes On the Horizon
In order to make sure my full attention is on my progress, I've decided to put some necessary rules in place. Most are about eating out and spending time with friends. I have to be careful what I eat when I'm out with people because I can be very easily swayed to push my calorie limit. Not by the friends, everyone is hugely supportive; I pressure myself because my entire body goes into crave mode just being in a restaurant and I find it hard to turn my brain off but I'm learning every day!
The real rule I had to enforce is something I'm no stranger to. I like to call it a "Boy Fast". Most of my close friends know about this weird quirk of mine but in case you're not familiar, I'll explain. A boy fast is a period of fasting from all things related to dating. For the allotted time I steer clear of anything romantic and just focus on whatever goal I'm trying to achieve. In the past, the goal has been school work, my faith, or just needing time for myself. This time, it's so I can have zero distractions from what I'm doing to change my life. My friend Anna put it best when she said that relationships are the easiest way to put weight back on. Generally because we're happy, we stop making time to take care of ourselves because we are engrossed in something else and we're comfortable in that. As Anna said, "When you're dating, you want to get ice cream with your boyfriend. You want to go to dinner. You want to get chocolates on Valentine's Day". I completely agree! But for me it's also more than that. It's pure distraction.
I can't even begin to explain how many times I've lost focus on a goal because of a guy. I think any girl who's struggled with weight can relate to that. See, in most cases, we don't get a lot of attention from men so when we do, it's a big deal. We're generally the girl who has tons of friends that are boys and not many boyfriends. There can be several factors that go into it but I know for me, my biggest issue has always been self-esteem. I have a hard time being open and being myself. I get nervous that whatever guy I'm interested in is judging me because I'm sitting there judging myself. Of course I sabotage relationships! It's because I get into my own head and talk myself out of anyone's interest. In my own mind, I don't feel good enough. So I run away from the good guys who are completely wonderful and accepting and decide to date the guys who are completely wrong for me but like to tell me I'm pretty. That, my friends, is a fat girl's kryptonite.
So... I decided it's time to make that lifestyle change as well. At some point in my life, I'd like to get married and have kids. At some point I'd like to be completely comfortable with the idea of trusting someone that much that I'll settle down. I'd like to love myself before I allow someone else to love me. At this current juncture, I'm not in the right place to even consider it. I want to get my life to a happy, confident place and have time to really focus on myself. Just myself! I have to find balance on my own. If I include feelings for someone into that equation, I see myself tipping the scale in the wrong direction.
At first I said I'd just continue this fast until August. At that time I'd have a firm grip on what I'm doing and (if all continues progressing as it should) have dropped 60 pounds so I'd be feeling more ready to handle the distraction. But to be completely honest, I think I need to make it last until January. What's the purpose of dating between now and then anyway? If there is a guy that comes into my life and is interested, he can surely wait a few months right? If 2012 is truly the year for me, then I need to take whatever steps necessary to ensure that my entire focus is just on achieving my goal. So that's what I have to do! Keep my eyes on one horizon.
I do look forward to the day that I meet someone and feel fully confident and know that I took the time to learn to love myself. Then my heart can be open. Finally!
The real rule I had to enforce is something I'm no stranger to. I like to call it a "Boy Fast". Most of my close friends know about this weird quirk of mine but in case you're not familiar, I'll explain. A boy fast is a period of fasting from all things related to dating. For the allotted time I steer clear of anything romantic and just focus on whatever goal I'm trying to achieve. In the past, the goal has been school work, my faith, or just needing time for myself. This time, it's so I can have zero distractions from what I'm doing to change my life. My friend Anna put it best when she said that relationships are the easiest way to put weight back on. Generally because we're happy, we stop making time to take care of ourselves because we are engrossed in something else and we're comfortable in that. As Anna said, "When you're dating, you want to get ice cream with your boyfriend. You want to go to dinner. You want to get chocolates on Valentine's Day". I completely agree! But for me it's also more than that. It's pure distraction.
I can't even begin to explain how many times I've lost focus on a goal because of a guy. I think any girl who's struggled with weight can relate to that. See, in most cases, we don't get a lot of attention from men so when we do, it's a big deal. We're generally the girl who has tons of friends that are boys and not many boyfriends. There can be several factors that go into it but I know for me, my biggest issue has always been self-esteem. I have a hard time being open and being myself. I get nervous that whatever guy I'm interested in is judging me because I'm sitting there judging myself. Of course I sabotage relationships! It's because I get into my own head and talk myself out of anyone's interest. In my own mind, I don't feel good enough. So I run away from the good guys who are completely wonderful and accepting and decide to date the guys who are completely wrong for me but like to tell me I'm pretty. That, my friends, is a fat girl's kryptonite.
So... I decided it's time to make that lifestyle change as well. At some point in my life, I'd like to get married and have kids. At some point I'd like to be completely comfortable with the idea of trusting someone that much that I'll settle down. I'd like to love myself before I allow someone else to love me. At this current juncture, I'm not in the right place to even consider it. I want to get my life to a happy, confident place and have time to really focus on myself. Just myself! I have to find balance on my own. If I include feelings for someone into that equation, I see myself tipping the scale in the wrong direction.
At first I said I'd just continue this fast until August. At that time I'd have a firm grip on what I'm doing and (if all continues progressing as it should) have dropped 60 pounds so I'd be feeling more ready to handle the distraction. But to be completely honest, I think I need to make it last until January. What's the purpose of dating between now and then anyway? If there is a guy that comes into my life and is interested, he can surely wait a few months right? If 2012 is truly the year for me, then I need to take whatever steps necessary to ensure that my entire focus is just on achieving my goal. So that's what I have to do! Keep my eyes on one horizon.
I do look forward to the day that I meet someone and feel fully confident and know that I took the time to learn to love myself. Then my heart can be open. Finally!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Picking Up the Pace
I ran yesterday. For the first time in years, I ran. Of my own free will! I wasn't being chased, I wasn't trying to catch a bus, and I didn't lose a bet. I just wanted to! Who am I right now?
I remember all those years in school when the P.E. teachers required us to run a mile every spring. It was my least favorite day of the year. As I got older, the more difficult it became to continue running. By middle school I was just walking the entire way and finishing last. In high school, when I was on the dance team, our warm-up was to jog 20 laps around the gym. No walking allowed. I loathed it! I started showing up late to practice to skip the warm-ups. During college, I took an aerobics class and one day we had to race. Guess who came in last? If you guessed me... well, duh.
There has never been a time in my life where I can remember wanting to run, let alone enjoying it. I don't know what came over me! I was out for an afternoon walk, the sun was shining, my iPod was playing Celine Dion (don't judge me), and there was an amazing breeze. The feeling came on suddenly and I thought to myself 'What if I ran for 30 seconds? Just to test it out'. My initial reaction was that someone had taken over my mind and I was having some temporary insanity but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Why not? If I really hated it, I'd only have to do 30 seconds. All I had to do was try.
So I tried. And you know what? I didn't hate it! I even did two more 30 second sprints after that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to start running for the entirety of my workouts but this is a great starting point! This means that I AM making progress and taking this first step towards moving up a notch is incredible. If I can keep pressing onward, at some point I will want to run for a whole workout. I bet I'll even start to like it. This is something I finally feel capable of. Crazy things are happening and I'm totally into it!
I remember all those years in school when the P.E. teachers required us to run a mile every spring. It was my least favorite day of the year. As I got older, the more difficult it became to continue running. By middle school I was just walking the entire way and finishing last. In high school, when I was on the dance team, our warm-up was to jog 20 laps around the gym. No walking allowed. I loathed it! I started showing up late to practice to skip the warm-ups. During college, I took an aerobics class and one day we had to race. Guess who came in last? If you guessed me... well, duh.
There has never been a time in my life where I can remember wanting to run, let alone enjoying it. I don't know what came over me! I was out for an afternoon walk, the sun was shining, my iPod was playing Celine Dion (don't judge me), and there was an amazing breeze. The feeling came on suddenly and I thought to myself 'What if I ran for 30 seconds? Just to test it out'. My initial reaction was that someone had taken over my mind and I was having some temporary insanity but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Why not? If I really hated it, I'd only have to do 30 seconds. All I had to do was try.
So I tried. And you know what? I didn't hate it! I even did two more 30 second sprints after that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to start running for the entirety of my workouts but this is a great starting point! This means that I AM making progress and taking this first step towards moving up a notch is incredible. If I can keep pressing onward, at some point I will want to run for a whole workout. I bet I'll even start to like it. This is something I finally feel capable of. Crazy things are happening and I'm totally into it!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
I Crossed That Bridge...
During the process of the Biggest Loser contest, I got a lot of supportive comments from all kinds of people. Family, friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. All of their amazing help gave me something I'd been missing for a long time: Confidence. I started to realize it was something that I lost somewhere along my path of self-destruction to the dreaded 300 pound mark that I hit in 2009. It'd been gone ever since.
I remember the day I weighed in at my largest. It was an instant storm cloud that built above my head and wouldn't leave for weeks. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want anyone to see me. Suddenly I was hyper-aware of all of my insecurities. At some point, my mom figured out that there was something going on. She called my sister (who thankfully lived in the same town as me... long story) to ask for her help. In the middle of the day, when I should've been at school but happened to stay home, she showed up at my door. We talked about everything and I finally admitted to her that I weighed over 300 pounds. I broke down crying, an unfamiliar concept to both of us. It was that day and through the conversation with my beautiful sister that I realized how far I'd departed from myself. Who was this person who hated herself? Where was the girl who tackled anything that came at her? What happened to ME? I know exactly the point when I'd abandoned myself but it took me a 60 pound weight gain to see it. I was horrified. A few months later I began auditioning for the Biggest Loser, which I continued to do every 6 months until now, trying to find myself again. And wouldn't you know it... through this experience I finally feel like I did.
One of the best and most eye-opening comments that I got from the contest was from a girl I'd known since elementary school but hadn't spoken to in over six years. She said "I believe in you and know that you'll get this opportunity. You have always been the most determined person I know". And I was! I've always been the kind of girl to chase my dreams, no matter how big. Often times I'd have to change my game plan if things didn't quite work out as I hoped but I always had a backup... and a backup for that, and a backup for that, etc. But at my low point, I'd forgotten what I was capable of until this contest and life-changing experience came along. It's just so amazing to me that wow... this person who had no idea of what I'd gone through or who I'd become, watched my video entry and saw the woman I've been trying to find for years. It turns out she was there all along.
Which is why I'm finally ready to complete this. Finally ready to stick with it and make it happen. Finally seeing results. Finally, thanks to the help of so many wonderful people, remembering who I am. In the words of my friend Will, I can do anything because I'm Kelly Jo :-) It's my year!
I remember the day I weighed in at my largest. It was an instant storm cloud that built above my head and wouldn't leave for weeks. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want anyone to see me. Suddenly I was hyper-aware of all of my insecurities. At some point, my mom figured out that there was something going on. She called my sister (who thankfully lived in the same town as me... long story) to ask for her help. In the middle of the day, when I should've been at school but happened to stay home, she showed up at my door. We talked about everything and I finally admitted to her that I weighed over 300 pounds. I broke down crying, an unfamiliar concept to both of us. It was that day and through the conversation with my beautiful sister that I realized how far I'd departed from myself. Who was this person who hated herself? Where was the girl who tackled anything that came at her? What happened to ME? I know exactly the point when I'd abandoned myself but it took me a 60 pound weight gain to see it. I was horrified. A few months later I began auditioning for the Biggest Loser, which I continued to do every 6 months until now, trying to find myself again. And wouldn't you know it... through this experience I finally feel like I did.
One of the best and most eye-opening comments that I got from the contest was from a girl I'd known since elementary school but hadn't spoken to in over six years. She said "I believe in you and know that you'll get this opportunity. You have always been the most determined person I know". And I was! I've always been the kind of girl to chase my dreams, no matter how big. Often times I'd have to change my game plan if things didn't quite work out as I hoped but I always had a backup... and a backup for that, and a backup for that, etc. But at my low point, I'd forgotten what I was capable of until this contest and life-changing experience came along. It's just so amazing to me that wow... this person who had no idea of what I'd gone through or who I'd become, watched my video entry and saw the woman I've been trying to find for years. It turns out she was there all along.
Which is why I'm finally ready to complete this. Finally ready to stick with it and make it happen. Finally seeing results. Finally, thanks to the help of so many wonderful people, remembering who I am. In the words of my friend Will, I can do anything because I'm Kelly Jo :-) It's my year!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Roadblock #2: There Are Brownies Here?
One of the biggest issues I've had to face over the last month has been turning down treats that people have brought or that I've encountered in spending time with friends. It can be so difficult at work especially since it's a high school. Teachers bring treats to share all of the time! Or there are holiday parties, birthday celebrations, school celebrations, or sometimes just for fun. I can't even tell you how many times I've said no to my absolute favorite, unhealthy foods. But I can show you!
I decided when I began that if I was ever tempted by something, I'd take a picture of it. That way when the month is over I can share just how many times I said "No, thank you". Here are about half of the pictures I took. These are not meant to be tempting to anyone so if you struggle with that, turn back now! I just wanted to show how far I'm coming in healing myself of this addiction. So... here's the month of February.
I decided when I began that if I was ever tempted by something, I'd take a picture of it. That way when the month is over I can share just how many times I said "No, thank you". Here are about half of the pictures I took. These are not meant to be tempting to anyone so if you struggle with that, turn back now! I just wanted to show how far I'm coming in healing myself of this addiction. So... here's the month of February.
Valentine's Day treats in our main classroom
"Pleasantly Plump Pie Day"... I was tempted but the signs all over the building telling me it was pleasantly plump day helped me avoid it. No thank you, I'd rather be happily healthy!
I call her my "drug dealer", ha ha. When I took this picture she said "You better not put this on your blog!" :-) Oops!
Field trip lunch to Winstead's. I watched them eat this and had my packed lunch of turkey sandwich and veggies
More Valentine's treats
And again...
This was the worst! It's my favorite bakery in the world and it had re-opened after being closed for months. I've never wanted an eclair more in my life!
Brownies... my favorite. Hi Miss Anna!
Gourmet cupcakes for the teachers... just because
Our goodbye party for Mr. Wes. I had a few grapes from that fruit bowl in the corner
So that's just half of the foods I resisted in my first month of this quest. It's not easy. It took a lot of strength to turn down the things I'm craving most. But now I can look back at these pictures and think, wow... what an accomplishment!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Mile Marker 1
It is March 1st. A month since I heard that I won the trip to the Biggest Loser resort and four full weeks since I began my life change. It's been a tough month, full of temptations and struggle. There have been times I wanted to cheat and eat a cheeseburger or piece of cake... sometimes an entire cake... but I've stuck with it! This is a monumental success for me! Four weeks is the longest I've ever gone at one time with sticking to a weight loss plan. It feels incredible to have that first month under my belt! It can only continue to get better from here.
You may also note that it's been 28 days since I began. That's the amount of time many people spend in a rehabilitation facility for addictions. It's far from over and every day is still a challenge but I've made it to a very successful mile marker in this journey. I'm so proud of myself! Now it's time to share how I've been doing. I began this journey four weeks ago and weighed 296 lbs. I changed my eating habits entirely, eating five times a day and drinking at least 8 glasses of water. I stepped up my exercise, doing cardio and toning every day, targeting different areas to build muscle. I checked in on the scale a few times but have mostly been going off of how I feel. I feel awesome! But I did weigh myself this morning :-)
My goal for this month was to be down 8 lbs by March 1st. So... drumroll please... from 296 pounds a few weeks ago, today I weigh.... 288 lbs! That is EXACTLY an 8 lb weight loss! And from my heaviest weight of 304 a few months ago, that is now a 16 lb loss! I know some people may scoff at that and think it's not that big of a deal. But trust me... for someone who's been sedentary much of her life, that is a HUGE accomplishment! I set my goal for 8 lbs and I reached it! That's averaging 2 pounds per week. How cool is that? I'm setting realistic goals that I am accomplishing in a healthy way that will make a significant change in my lifestyle forever. If I keep on at this pace, I'll break 200 before I even leave for Malibu which means that once I'm there, they'll definitely get me to my goal weight! By doing this process at a steady pace, I'm ensuring that I will achieve that ultimate mile marker.
I know some people want to see big numbers right away but remember that it's not the hare who crossed the finish line first. He got cocky and decided to take a break. The tortoise chose to take the race step by step, moving at the right pace for himself while continuously moving forward. I'm continuously moving forward and I know I'm going to successfully cross that finish line!
Ready for a new goal? I'm dreaming bigger for this month.
March 1st: 288 lbs
April 2nd: 278 lbs
That's right, I'm going for a 10 pound drop between now and April. It's going to be tough with spring break coming up but I'm going to step up my game. Month of March... lets dance.
You may also note that it's been 28 days since I began. That's the amount of time many people spend in a rehabilitation facility for addictions. It's far from over and every day is still a challenge but I've made it to a very successful mile marker in this journey. I'm so proud of myself! Now it's time to share how I've been doing. I began this journey four weeks ago and weighed 296 lbs. I changed my eating habits entirely, eating five times a day and drinking at least 8 glasses of water. I stepped up my exercise, doing cardio and toning every day, targeting different areas to build muscle. I checked in on the scale a few times but have mostly been going off of how I feel. I feel awesome! But I did weigh myself this morning :-)
My goal for this month was to be down 8 lbs by March 1st. So... drumroll please... from 296 pounds a few weeks ago, today I weigh.... 288 lbs! That is EXACTLY an 8 lb weight loss! And from my heaviest weight of 304 a few months ago, that is now a 16 lb loss! I know some people may scoff at that and think it's not that big of a deal. But trust me... for someone who's been sedentary much of her life, that is a HUGE accomplishment! I set my goal for 8 lbs and I reached it! That's averaging 2 pounds per week. How cool is that? I'm setting realistic goals that I am accomplishing in a healthy way that will make a significant change in my lifestyle forever. If I keep on at this pace, I'll break 200 before I even leave for Malibu which means that once I'm there, they'll definitely get me to my goal weight! By doing this process at a steady pace, I'm ensuring that I will achieve that ultimate mile marker.
I know some people want to see big numbers right away but remember that it's not the hare who crossed the finish line first. He got cocky and decided to take a break. The tortoise chose to take the race step by step, moving at the right pace for himself while continuously moving forward. I'm continuously moving forward and I know I'm going to successfully cross that finish line!
Ready for a new goal? I'm dreaming bigger for this month.
March 1st: 288 lbs
April 2nd: 278 lbs
That's right, I'm going for a 10 pound drop between now and April. It's going to be tough with spring break coming up but I'm going to step up my game. Month of March... lets dance.
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