I Crossed That Bridge...

During the process of the Biggest Loser contest, I got a lot of supportive comments from all kinds of people. Family, friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. All of their amazing help gave me something I'd been missing for a long time: Confidence. I started to realize it was something that I lost somewhere along my path of self-destruction to the dreaded 300 pound mark that I hit in 2009. It'd been gone ever since.

I remember the day I weighed in at my largest. It was an instant storm cloud that built above my head and wouldn't leave for weeks. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want anyone to see me. Suddenly I was hyper-aware of all of my insecurities. At some point, my mom figured out that there was something going on. She called my sister (who thankfully lived in the same town as me... long story) to ask for her help. In the middle of the day, when I should've been at school but happened to stay home, she showed up at my door. We talked about everything and I finally admitted to her that I weighed over 300 pounds. I broke down crying, an unfamiliar concept to both of us. It was that day and through the conversation with my beautiful sister that I realized how far I'd departed from myself. Who was this person who hated herself? Where was the girl who tackled anything that came at her? What happened to ME? I know exactly the point when I'd abandoned myself but it took me a 60 pound weight gain to see it. I was horrified. A few months later I began auditioning for the Biggest Loser, which I continued to do every 6 months until now, trying to find myself again. And wouldn't you know it... through this experience I finally feel like I did.

One of the best and most eye-opening comments that I got from the contest was from a girl I'd known since elementary school but hadn't spoken to in over six years. She said "I believe in you and know that you'll get this opportunity. You have always been the most determined person I know". And I was! I've always been the kind of girl to chase my dreams, no matter how big. Often times I'd have to change my game plan if things didn't quite work out as I hoped but I always had a backup... and a backup for that, and a backup for that, etc. But at my low point, I'd forgotten what I was capable of until this contest and life-changing experience came along. It's just so amazing to me that wow... this person who had no idea of what I'd gone through or who I'd become, watched my video entry and saw the woman I've been trying to find for years. It turns out she was there all along.

Which is why I'm finally ready to complete this. Finally ready to stick with it and make it happen. Finally seeing results. Finally, thanks to the help of so many wonderful people, remembering who I am. In the words of my friend Will, I can do anything because I'm Kelly Jo :-) It's my year!