Who's Driving This Thing?

I was out with a big group last night and someone offered me fries. I said "No, thank you" and he kept trying to push me to eat some. Only me. Why is that? One of my friends eventually explained to him what I'm working towards and why I did not care to have any fries and the guy said "Well, if you're going to the Biggest Loser Resort, why are you even trying to lose weight now? This is an awesome opportunity to eat whatever you want!" I just laughed and told him that I'd like to not die before my month comes around.

You'd be shocked to know how often I'm told that exact thing when people find out about my Year of You. That I should take the time until December to just indulge and have fun since the BLR will help me work it off. While I understand their thought process, I can't help but think that the answer is obvious. Why would I want the resort to help me take weight BACK off that I didn't have to begin with? Why would I waste my month there by losing what I shouldn't have put on anyway? Then I'd just be right where I am now and no further down.

I think people assume that I'm guaranteed to lose all of my weight while at the resort. Like I'll magically go from whatever size I turn out as on December 2nd to 160 pounds in just a month. I wish it were that easy but no, friends... it's not humanly possible! If it were, I would absolutely be indulging in whatever I wanted without regards to my future but as it is, I want to be at my goal weight by January! So I have no choice but to start now and it actually makes me happy that I'm doing it mostly on my own. I'm so much stronger because of that and when I finish this year, I will have such a great sense of pride since I fought for it. All year long, I fought for what I wanted most.

When I first won the contest and found out that I was going to be the last person to go, of course I was a little bit bummed. I'd been so motivated to go out and take on the 7 hour exercise days that when Amanda said December, I just thought 'Aw man... I have to wait almost a year to get started'. Then there were the people who were upset for me saying how horrible it was that I had to wait, how I should call back and complain, that I should demand an earlier month, and it's not fair that I have to go last. It was actually those people, speaking out in frustration for me, that made me realize what a gift I'd been given. Going last is not a curse! Far from it! I don't have to wait to get started and it's actually been a huge blessing.

See, most of the other 10 winners got the gift of a kick start. They get to go earlier, so they have the opportunity to learn first, lose a good chunk to begin with, and then take what they learned home. Not so different from contestants on the regular show. That's a great blessing to them but then they do have to go home and finish on their own, figuring out how to make the continued progress work into their lives. Those of us that are going towards the end of the year got the gift of the final push. We all got the amazing opportunity to watch the others go enjoy their months. We get to learn from their struggles, see what it takes to survive a month out there, and even hear the great tips they're getting that can help us while we're fighting for it at home. Then once we get out there, whatever we've lost prior to going is a huge bonus! Because it's likely that we will all definitely be close to our goal weight by January. I have the motivation of knowing my month is waiting for me and it keeps me pushing forward. It keeps me going!

For me, the problem has never been starting. When I get it in my mind to start a diet or a new meal plan, I'm generally excited and think 'Yeah! This time it's going to work. This new weight loss fad is really going to help me do it this time!'... fast forward two weeks and I'm sitting on the couch, eating an entire package of Oreos and ordering pizza, already given up on it. Nothing ever stuck. My problem has always been keeping the motivation and energy up to continue. So I don't know how the resort decided what order we go in or why but I think that God had a hand in it. He shuffled the deck in my favor and knew that going last was the best thing for me because it IS my time to complete this lifelong goal. I didn't need the kick start, I needed the final push. That's what I've been given!

So please don't be offended if over the next five months, I don't indulge the way I could. I'd love to eat fries all the time with my friends but the truth is... I don't feel the need to anymore. Knowing where I'll be in January if I keep working on it now is the light at the end of this long tunnel, constantly drawing me forward. I may slow down at times, I may stumble along the way, but I will always get back up and keep moving towards that light. All you need is that reminder of why you're chasing your dream. Having that in mind has made all the difference.

Before I go, I do have a quick story from when I took a few crazy days off last week. I fell of the wagon hard! Thankfully, I got back up and the weight I gained is now gone again but I had some serious food addict relapsing issues. Here's what happened:
(I was driving home from a friend's house and REALLY craving, fighting the urge to go to the drive-thru. So I called my mom for support. No answer. I come home later with a bag of take-out)
Me: I did something bad
Mom: Why'd you do that?
Me: I called you to talk me home so I didn't go crazy but you didn't answer! So I took it as a sign that I should get food
Mom: You could've called someone else!
Me: Well, I thought about calling Tracy but I knew the odds of her giving in and telling me I could go ahead and eat it were not looking good

:-) My poor mom. Now she knows my secret and the next time the addict in me decides to go a little nuts, mom will conference call in my drill sergeant sister! But hey... ya gotta do what ya gotta do to keep me in check!