Not Breaking This Fast

"When you lose all of your weight, you're going to be so gorgeous"... "Guys are going to fall at your feet when you lose all your weight".... "You are going to be turning down dates right and left once you've lost the weight".

I hear variations of this all the time. People can't wait to see what my love life will look like once I've attained this lifelong goal and how I'll be different. They believe that as soon as I come back from the Resort, I will suddenly be swarmed with men clamoring for my attention and begging for my hand in marriage. This is every girl's dream, they say. But... is it? Oh right, because when Prince Charming slipped the shoe onto Cinderella's foot he actually said "It's okay that you're a peasant in rags. I'm just glad you're not fat". The original storyteller must've forgotten to include that line.

I understand what people really mean when they say things like that. They just mean that I'll finally be confident and feeling beautiful within myself and that will be attractive. It'll make me shine and catch men's attention. This is so true and I already feel a million times more confident than I did back in February, which HAS in fact gotten me a little more attention than I'm used to. Is it nice to be admired? Sure! Is it nice to be complimented? Absolutely! But this is why I put my "Boy Fast" rule into place. I do not want to even consider dating while I'm focused on becoming healthy because I need to be sure that I do love myself first before I open up that door.

To be honest, I'm terrified of what will happen after I've reached my goal! I don't want guys who've known me forever to all the sudden call and ask me out. That would be weird! I've already learned how to relate to guys as just friends, I think it'd freak me out to have a man I've looked at as a brother change and begin to show interest. This is something that a few of my friends who've lost weight have pointed out to me. My brain has 24 years of obesity wired into it. I live my life as a girl who's had a thousand guy best friends and very few boyfriends, most of whom were not very kind. My primary focus when I meet new men is and will probably always be friendship because that is just what I've come to expect. And that's what's important.
I also have the fear that when I reach that goal line, I'll always have that as something to talk about with men. If I'm in a relationship that's starting to become serious, I WILL have to have an addict's talk with him and let him know 'Hey, I've struggled with food addiction and weight gain my whole life. I fought my way out of it but it's very likely that I could relapse. It will continue to be a lifelong battle. Are you okay with that?'... I don't want to have to have that talk. So even though I am being very strict and staying out of the dating or flirting scenes right now, part of me IS praying that I meet someone before. I want to be sure that the guy I'm with loves me for myself, personality and looks, just as I am now. So I'm conflicted!

Anyway... I know this is one of my more random blog topics but it's something that has been weighing on me the past few days. I guess the bottom line is, God already has this taken care of for me so I need to just let that worry go. Whoever He brings into my life, whether it be pre-weightloss or post-weightloss, will be the perfect one for me. Someone who appreciates me in all of my forms and is happy to talk to me when I'm having my crazy moments like this, ha ha.

When it all comes down to it, I'm confident in myself and what I have to offer. That's all that matters.