Road Block #1: Negativity

If you're a woman, at some point in your life you've probably stared in a mirror and analyzed yourself. Scratch that... if you're human, you've probably done that. Raise your hand if you've judged your own body. Mine's raised. Guilty! I used to do it constantly. I'd get dressed and stare at myself thinking 'My hips are too big, they make my butt look huge!' or 'If only I had smaller arms' or 'My stomach is sticking out too much in this shirt'. I'd stand there for long periods of time just ripping myself to shreds.

WHY? Why do we do that? What do we think will happen when we do this to ourselves? That maybe we'll feel better? I don't know about you guys but I certainly never do. If I go out with friends after that, I'm constantly concerned about what is showing that I don't want people to see. My thighs full of cellulite, my arms full of excess fat, my double chin, etc. But then there's this... why do I care? Why do I care what other people think when they see me? I know why. Because if I judge myself first, it won't hurt when others do it. Just like when I make a joke about my weight, it's to beat others to the punch. I put the voices of people I know, or sometimes strangers, inside my own head. Then maybe... just maybe... they can't hurt me if they actually think or say it.

I don't always generate these negative feelings out of nowhere. Sometimes it's because I really have heard them before. Yes, I have been 'mooed' at by someone in the past. Sounds juvenile right? I was 12. But even recently, I've overheard or been told about some truly nasty things that people have said about my body. Some have taken it so far as to say things like my jeans are too tight and show too much fat, my hips are too big, my stomach sometimes hangs over, and I always look like I'm gaining weight. A question that was also raised was if my weight problems were genetic because if so, it didn't make sense because my sister is skinny. Well... my sister is HEALTHY first and foremost, while I am not and yes! It is genetic! But is that the reason I'm at my current weight? NO! It's me having no self-control and letting negative people like that control my thoughts and opinions of myself, which drives me into my comfort: food.

No wonder people have such a hard time loving themselves! If we all took a second to appreciate the things we love about ourselves, maybe weight loss wouldn't be so difficult. Negativity is that dang flying, blue shell on Mario Kart (nerd reference? Just go with it) that someone throws at you when you're in first place. It's always going to hit you, no matter how much you try to dodge it. But the trick I'm finding is that I can continue to get back up and make it to the finish line. I may not finish first but at least I get there. Negative people will always be around to tear us down but it's up to us how we handle it. I've let other people rule my opinions of myself for far too long and it's just enough.

So here's what I'm starting to do: For every negative comment I think about myself (whether I invented it or heard someone say it) I'm giving myself two positive thoughts in exchange. "My hips are too big" now becomes "I love my hourglass shape that a lot of people wish for" and "I'm gonna have a heck of a lot easier time when I have kids!" Ha ha. I mean seriously, wide hips are nothing to be ashamed of! I'm going to stop throwing myself a pity-party anytime I feel judged because ya know what? The only opinion that matters is mine. Only I can allow myself to be torn down and only I can be the one to build back up. If I'm going to succeed in this year of weight loss, I'm going to need to let go of those emotional bricks that have been holding me down. So this is the first big step in that aspect of the journey. Bye bye negativity and bye bye to anyone who stands in the way of me and my quest to health.

Road block #1... psshh... please. Come at me bro!